Divorce Chronicles The Finale

Divorce Chronicles The Finale

Am I Good Enough?

As I mentioned in Divorce Chronicles Part 1, I decided to change my avatar appearance to make my avatar look more appealing to his eyes because I didn’t want to feel like I was just a lonely housewife and mother. I wanted our bond back of what we had when we were newly weds.  One day he told me about a fraternity that he wanted to join and he wanted me to join this sorority that was affiliated with that fraternity. So I’m thinking awww he wants us to do this together, so I did everything I needed to do to be in that sorority and boom! I became a Alpha Kappa Alpha. To make the long story short, it went well for awhile then females in the sorority was feeling his charm; so of course he flirted back. This was after our 4th baby. So on down the line the fraternity and the affiliated sorority all went downhill because it was so many secrets and deceit with a lot of people, including him as well. On down the line, I felt like our marriage was falling apart. I really didn’t know what to do. I just remembered the vowels we said before God, yes I know It’s only IMVU; do know we both was working on real life so the vowels we decided to say we both said we would say it from our real life heart. I did my part even after the divorce to always be loyal to him. But on his end didn’t happen. Some female kept hanging around us while we were in his studio and I can tell she had a chip on her shoulder. A females intuition I felt. So I in boxed her and asked her is something going on between her and my husband. She let the whole cat out of the bag. And so you have it she said they were talking on the phone working on real life. I said to myself that’s odd. Because that’s what me and him suppose to be doing. But he told her, him and I was just IMVU only that he was with her in real. I was furious!!! To be honest I think he only did that because she had that freaky style to her. You know, don’t mind talking dirty out in public, not leaving anything to the imagination. But whatever it was, it is never right for a man to cheat on his wife! Not even lie just to keep a side chick, when knowing as the wife I always held it down when he screwed up. I was deeply hurt. Especially learning that him divorcing me for her, that relationship didn’t even last. It lasted for only 2 months. Can you believe that? I watched him go through over a total of ten relationships since our divorce. That didn’t help me, I became even more bitter. But I said to myself why am I being his fool? It’s time for me to start dating. So I ended up getting into my own situationship. I said situationship because it never led to nothing serious. It was a disaster. Because the first guy I dated was a complete jerk and belittled me on IMVU every chance he had. And the second one led to an engagement but after a while the wining and dining he did with me. He turn out to be a complete jerk as well and to be honest he treated me worse than my ex husband. So I developed nothing but rage. Because I felt I should never get treated like the losers I dealt with in real. I thought IMVU would be different somehow. So I told my ex fiancé, go do you! I don’t care anymore! And I will never take you back! And I meant just that, never took him back to this day. It would be nice if I can be that bold with my ex husband, I did at one point but his charm got to me numerous times.

 

Inner Pain Followed with Confusion

 

I remember when my ex husband approached me 4 years ago. He was persistent. It was something about me he wanted to get to know more of. I wouldn’t give him the time of day at first. I had this attitude like, boy If you dont get out my face with them 1995 player lines. Because before he came along, I not too long got out of a almost 5 year IMVU marriage that was real life as well. So my heart was not buying into anymore false hopes. But my last ex husband kept pursuing me to date him. So I gave him a chance. He did a dummy move on me at first but I wasn’t going to give him a chance. He had to do some serious begging. As I’m writing this, I still feel inner hurt and pain because I really don’t understand how a man chase you so hard  then hurt you so bad. Especially when he knew about my rapes and abuse in real. I trusted him because he said before God he would never hurt me in real or IMVU. This article is not to put him out there like that. I hope it’s a wake up call to any man that would read this. I won’t lie, I get crying spells off and on. Because in real you might as well say I never been made love to in real. It was always mental and physical rape. I never was gently laid down as a man softly rub and caress me before entering my love pot. I believe that’s why I always turned my ex husband down when it came to meeting in real. Because I felt he not mentally ready to handle someone like me. Think about it. If he act ugly on IMVU, He might just act ugly with me in real. I don’t know, I do believe a person can change if they put it in their heart to change or love a person that much that they’re willing to change before losing a person for good. But, as a woman we should never sit around waiting on a man to change no matter how hard it is to stay away from him. I learned a hard lesson. Allowing him in my life again without him putting in work is like I’m enabling his negative behavior. Do I still love him? Unfortunately, Yes I do. But if he ever attempt to try to make things right. Actions is more than the saying. He would have to do some serious apologizing to the Lord for him hurting God’s Daughter (Me) Because I’m a good woman. I should never freely give myself to a man. Not even him.

I’m like a rare gem that a man should handle with care and everyday I try to instill in my brain that I’m worth more. I deserve to be loved.

 

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